I sit patiently, waiting for him to arrive. The sun is bright; I shield my eyes as I look at the blue sky, then down again at the worn, outdoor table. I nervously shift in my chair, trying to remember the questions I had in mind to ask when I see him striding toward the table. His thinning hair is tousled by the breeze, but his gait is steady; although he is sixty years old, he displays a youthful energy as he reaches our meeting place, and his face creases with a smile as we make introductions.
I jump to my feet, eager to shake his hand. I notice his grip is strong, and his hands are both soft and healthy, as well as slightly calloused and weathered with age. Our order is taken, and I request only water, as I am uncomfortable making any of my usual food choices in the presence of one so diet and health oriented. The cold water is dull and fluorinated, obviously from a city tap, and we begin to discuss his views on health, diet, and the environment.
The conversation eases and I become less nervous as we become just two people discussing ideas, when we both notice a father with his young daughter at the ice cream shop across the street. We both notice the girl’s visible excitement as she receives her ice cream cone, no doubt a special treat for her. As she happily sits and enjoys her diary reward, I notice the discomfort on Robbins’ face.
I can see his pain, watching a father give his child something that represents, in Robbins’ opinion, a great danger to both her health and the environment. I see his desire to intervene, and try to inform the two of the dangers of such a habit. I watch him repress the desire, no doubt knowing from experience he would be entering into a rude and fruitless attempt at kindness that would be interpreted as a personal attack.
As we continue our conversation, I can hear the unease in his voice, noting the short, furtive glances across the street he attempts out of subtlety. I hear in his voice disappointment, a reluctant discipline to focus his mind on our conversation and not be distracted by such a potent example of what he is rallying against. As we make our goodbyes, I am struck by the compassion he still exhibits for the nameless little girl; his passion for spreading his message is curtailed by his common sense, and although he appears pleased with our interview, the scene we witnessed still seems to dwell on his mind as he makes his way quickly back through the crowd.
John Robbins
Supplemental Materials:
Not much can stop me in my tracks; when something unexpected happens, or a crisis hits is when I tend to hit my stride and grow more efficient. Typically, what stops me in my tracks are realizations about myself, though with the blur of day to day life it can be difficult for me to recall them. Let us see what I remember.
1) The first thing I think about when I try to recall something that stopped me in my tracks is the first week of this semester, when I had to both rearrange my schedule, and plan my schedule for next year in order to take my math courses in the proper order. I found out that it is unavoidable for me to take an 8 AM class in order to complete my math major. This would be unfortunate for most people, but given my sleep disorder and my history of difficulties with early morning classes, it knocked me back a step. Most of the force came from the urgency that my decision had to be made by the end of the add/drop date; however the 8 AM shook me for another reason. It has taken me 5 semesters of classes that were somewhere between barely manageable and annoying, to reach this semester where I feel my classes actually fit well into a healthy schedule for me. Having to juggle a tough decision, possibly giving up something that finally worked well for me, and planning for my future forced me to pause and recollect myself.
2) Another thing which has stopped me in my tracks is when I choose to look at the back of my Zune HD. I had it engraved when I ordered it online with: “These are the Steps: Wish. Desire. Need. Achieve.” With the case on I often forget it is there, but occasionally I will remember, pull it out, and just look at it. I let my mind free and think of how that may apply to my life, and perhaps which step of the process I am currently in.
3) When else have I been stopped in my tracks? Well last year when I found out that my high school band director was retiring early it caused me to pause and contemplate. He very strongly believed in teaching more than just music, he tried very hard to teach every high school kid responsibility, respect, and so on. Hearing about his retirement caused me to think about that which I had learned from him, both directly and indirectly. During such a process, I call into question whether what I have learned is still helping me, is still useful. I question whether or not I should hold on to all of the beliefs instilled in me during my four years of high school band.
All three of these events are connected because they caused introspection. Something prompted me to rethink that which I normally assume to be fact, or at least assume to be relatively unchanging about myself. Whenever I take a step back, it is because I am questioning something I just then realized I had been taking for granted, and wish to examine whether my fleeting perception of said belief is accurate. This is true beyond even that which “stops me in my tracks.” Most events which are stressful, relieving, and especially challenging in my life center around my perception of myself, and whether or not I actually understand what is going on inside my own head.
